manytimes,,you feel much people around you,supporting what you do ,,confirming what you a say and having fun ,,you all,,,and it feels so good,,
but deep within urself,,,there are those internal dialogues with you ,,saying"itis not me" i hate what i am doing, may be itis fun ,may itis joyful,may be the company is so nice,,but thatis not me in the end,i dont feel like satisfied nor relaxed,,iam pretending and they are pretending,and itis more or less like asilly repeated show,with certain stupid roles that you find them so silly,,yet canot resist playing them on and on,,
sometimes of courage ,,you may take that decision of peaceful withdrawal,,looking for your self,and some peace of mind .
here you find that usually missed kind of relaxation,,calmness, the usually wished peace of mind,, thatis just me with my music with those ideas on my head,, arguements with myself in the meditative decent way i like,, when i want to be the most cretic for anything,i am . when i need to just walk and see everything in avery forgiving look,i do it.
no need to wory about what will be the friends feedback about any of those things,,i just see life in the very simple and spontaneous way iam used to seeing it,iam just simply walking on my favourite streets with myself, having time and mind to watch the people carefully ,every little thing they may do,,this old man and that lonely little girl walking by his side,,no need to be busy what should be the next sentence with the friend besides me,,iam just with me,,so the next sentence within myself is whatever itis,,itis accepted anyways,,sometimes expected ,others not,,sometimes silly others so funny,,but anyways itis always abig joy and agreat peace of mind to be back again afriend of me,no need to act or pretend cuz the game is open,indeed there is no game at all there is just acombined feeling of joy and relaxation in the mean time
